On the internet, nowadays you can find plenty of websites, blogs, forums, explaining the meaning and definitions of being Top, Bottom, Versatile. So, why am I writing about it as well? Because I believe I can share a more insightful and detailed take on the subject, especially for what concerns when straight guys and trans ladies want to meet.
I’ve been dating transgender and transwomen for two decades, and after a long time out for the game of “TS dating”, I’ve finally settled. Today I’m living together with my transexual girlfriend as all couples in love do. Almost seven years, and counting, hey! 🙂
I will highlight a series of considerations, recommendations and overviews which I believe are important for what concerns the sexual roles for Transgender Who are Top Bottom Versatile as well for Straight Men. Based on my personal relationships, as well as feedback and stories I’ve heard here and there among my friends in the most casual way for everyone. And most importantly, with a focus on the matters that usually you can’t find in those generic blogs chasing the same topic.
If you were only looking for a short explanation, you may skip down the page. But I’d recommend you nonetheless to stay with me from here to the end 😉
Are you a Top? Bottom or Versatile?
Whether you were seeking a romantic partner for a stable love relationship or a one-night of pleasure, sexual compatibility between partners is crucial. Because when Straight and LGBT people meet, in our case, with transgender women, and there is the spark to get intimate right off the bat, the outcomes may not always be as expected…
What if you find out too late that both of you are Bottom? And none of the two is open for alternatives like playing Top for the other?
Maybe it did never happen to you because you already know that you need to disclose your preferences beforehand… But what if you never had the least experience yet?
If you are a man who only dates genetic females, these concerns do not exist. A different story is if you are a straight guy who feels attracted to trans women and still new to it.
The right time is important to make decisions. Finding out in advance if your date is top, versatile or bottom, is more important than your preferred sexual role. Think about it, you still have the option to decide if you want to explore new things about your sexuality.
What do you Know About the differences between being Top Bottom Versatile?
If you are transgender or transsexual, you are probably well aware of the definitions and sexual implications of Transgender Who are Top Bottom Versatile. Because these are terms that belong to the LGBT community, and it is also much likely you have friends and know persons who are lesbian, bisexual, gay or trans. LGBT friends who are also in a love relationship or searching for a partner and such things.
A different scenario if you are a cisgender, straight
What Straight Men Often Do Not Know
On the other hand, a straight boy, even if he feels attracted to trans girls, may or may not be familiar at all with these words. Because most of the time, his friends, if not all, are straight guys as well (heterosexual). To use a more technical definition, chances are his life is mainly surrounded by cisgender people. And I was like that too, a total stranger to it.
As you can imagine, he is likely very unfamiliar with the LGBT Dictionary and Lingo and, all the matters that belong to this community. Doesn’t sound like a huge deal, right? WRONG.
In any case, this does not discourage straight men from pursuing their dream of having a Trans GF and dating trans women. Problem is, when you are a stranger to the LGBT community, there are so many other unknown notions that can cause confusion and misunderstanding. Having all good genuine intentions might be not enough. And this leads us to the next…
What straight men usually do know about trans women and sexual roles
It is no secret that for the majority of men out there, the first time they saw a transsexual was while watching some adult media. Whether pics on a magazine, tranny porn videos on websites, or shemale striptease on cam sites. Or more commonly, trans escorts and prostitutes in the red-light districts.
And why is that?
First of all, the transsexual community counts for only 1% of the worldwide population. It is not that you may see a trans just by walking around the streets in most countries. For these reasons, when a guy wonder where can I find a transsexual? The internet and red-light districts are commonplace.
The Shemale Porn on the Internet
Try now to do some research on the internet. What comes out in the first search results from Google related to keywords associated with transgender as ladyboys, shemale, trannies, femboys etc. is all about sex…
But this is not what makes them understand sexual roles or turns them into trans lovers. I better explained here why straight men are attracted to transgender and transsexual women
The media of the sex industry are sure one of the causes of negative prejudices about trans lovers like me, as well as giving a bad image to the transgender community. Spreading the idea as if it is all about sex or prostitution. And sure this does not help many relationships. More often than not, it is the very cause of complications between trans oriented men and transwomen looking for a suitable partner.
Why am I telling you all of this?
Because if you are not only after a one night stand of pleasure, and looking for a trans girlfriend, the more you know, the better… And?
To prepare you for what is coming in the paragraphs below.
My past experiences taught me that when it comes to human relationships, especially in dating and love matters, nothing should be taken for granted. And most especially, when it comes to relationships between men and trans women. We should be as open-minded as possible, and get rid of NEGATIVE PREJUDICES, by all means. It is the first rule to apply. Believe me.
Be open-minded and respectful always
Differences between Transgender Who are Top Bottom Versatile
I mentioned earlier why it is important to disclose right away sexual preferences when straight men and transgender women wish to meet. Of course, when you begin making an acquaintance with a person, it is not the first question you should ask, everything at the proper time and moment. However, in certain instances, everything could be already fixed without the need of opening the topic.
For example, if you sign up to one of my recommended transgender dating sites, you could disclose, if you like, if you are bottom, top or versa just by filling your dating profile. Easy.
However, we do not always think the same way, and for some people, it is a very personal and private matter. Even given the simple option, some may leave it blank. So you will have first to “test the waters” and decide when you can introduce the topic.
To avoid confusion, here below more detailed information on the topic.
- Bottom – also known as Passive Role
- Versatile – available to be both Top and Bottom Role
- Top – also known as Active Role
These sexual preferences are available depending on the condition of your date. Is the trans lady a pre-op, non-op, or post-op? Usually, also these personal details can be disclosed easily for trans-ladies when filling the profile on the dating site.
In any case, I recommend you to read this post of mines about transgender pre-op post-op non-op to understand the following better.
NOTE – Please take the following with a grain of salt, as there can be exceptions to what is explained below.
There are so many colours and shades of grey, it is not all black and white.
The Versatile Role
Also called “SWITCH” (exchanging roles) in the LBGT slang, the definition of versatile applies to a person who likes to penetrate the partner and being penetrated as well. However, I recommend you not to take it too literally such definitions and here is why.
One persona may also be partially versatile, and define oneself as “Soft-Versatile” or “Oral-Versatile”. For example, it is available for oral position 69. The soft-versatile may also be appreciated to some degree by bottoms.
In recent years, much has evolved in the dictionary and relationships to better communicate between partners how one is more or less open to alternatives.
- Versa-Top – Means the person is mainly comfortable with the top role, but not exclusively.
- Versa-Bottom – Preferably as a bottom, yet open to alternatives.
You can guess that if someone says I’m top, that means she or he is likely not open to exploring the other options, while Versa-Top is self-explanatory.
Men seeking a Versatile Trans Girlfriend
If you are a man who also likes to be versatile in intimacy, trans women who are not fully operated (didn’t have complete sex-change surgery) are the best suitable partner for you and vice versa. Transgender non-op means that she doesn’t have plans to get rid of the native male genitalia, but may have had breast augmentation and hips, or more feminisation surgeries. For these reasons, she may also be open to a versatile role.
Usually, trans ladies who are Versatile, are non-op, and more rarely pre-op.
Different story, if your date is a pre-op transgender person. That means she has plans to undergo surgery for the also called, in recent time, Gender Confirmation Surgery. This means she wants to have the female Vagina someday in her life. In this case, she is likely exclusively bottom in intimacy. It is not always the case, but the fact that she intends to get rid of her male genitalia, often means she hates that part of her body. For this reason, she probably doesn’t even want to receive any attention to it, even the less open to the top-versa role.
And this leads us to the next.
The Bottom Role
On a fundamental definition of bottom, it intends the submissive role. You are the one being penetrated by your partner when you have sex. Also called “Passive” in the practice of Anal Sex, it is the most common and preferred sexual role by transwomen, and exclusive for those trans ladies who are post-op. In the case of a trans lady who underwent the full sex change, bottom can be also intended for Vaginal Sex.
Bottom, it is the traditional female role, and transex girls identify themselves as women. Moreover, being bottom only, it also defines her as a heterosexual transgender woman. NOTE – This statement and the following are debated and opens some controversy. For example, being a versatile trans woman, it is somehow considered bisexual or gay by the crowd and even by some in the LGBT community. Whether it is false or true, I never bothered myself that much on such thoughts. Simply because I think one should be free to live his or her sexuality. However, that’s how our society is. With that being said…
I don’t care that much about how people want to label my sexual preferences or those of my GF, and I’d advise you to do the same. What really matters in the end to me, is being happy with the person you are with, independently of what ppl say or may think. It is nobody business what you do, or do not, in the bed with your partner.
Men seeking for a Bottom Transgender Girlfriend
Given the above notions, If you are a man who is exclusively Top, you are in an advantageous spot. Finding a suitable transex partner whether for some fun or a romantic Ts girlfriend, it will be easier. The bottom role is the most common among transgender women and is preferred by transsexuals who are pre-op and the post-op. Most especially for the second. Because a transsexual post-op is exclusively bottom for the fact that she underwent the full sex-change surgery, and have a female vagina. In that case, she may be still open to anal sex.
It is simple to figure that if you are a bottom, and your date share the same preferences, whether, by choice or physical condition, it is likely won’t work in long term.
Common definitions can be
- Pure Bottom – As for men, literally self-explanatory. For trans women could be all three cases as non-op, pre-op, or post-op.
- Bottom Versa – Preferred passive role, open for the switch or soft-versa
Indeed, for persons who are exclusively bottom the best partner is a Top, and possibly a versatile.
And this leads us to the next.
The Top Role
In the LGBT lingo, the definition of Top, Topper, or Active, means that you take the Dominant Role when you have sex. You are who is penetrating your partner in intimacy. It is the most common role preferred by straight guys even when, dating transwomen. Generally speaking, less frequently, you will see or meet a transsexual or transgender who likes to be exclusively TOP. Chances to meet a trans lady who is top depends also on where you are hanging out or searching.
Men seeking a Top Transgender Girlfriend
It is not my intention to misrepresent or offend a group of individuals. Take my statements and considerations related to transexuals women who are TOP with a grain of salt even more than what said until here.
Based on my experience, here, we have two different kinds of scenarios. Depending on where you are searching for a transgender who is mainly top, the availability or chances to find one can differ a lot. Let’s go with some examples.
- You sign up on a transgender dating site and set the research for transsexuals who are TOP. Afterwards, do the same for BOTTOM and VERSATILE. You will see by yourself that the numbers for the first are much lower compared to the last two.
- Head to some red-light district near your city, where trans prostitutes are known to be found. Ask, and you will see by yourself that the numbers of trans who are TOP will be higher.
Now, this does not mean that all trans who are TOP are somehow involved in sex work. I have personally met trans ladies who like to be only top, with a decent job and lifestyle. My recommendation is NOT to go by prejudices and manage your expectations if you are only bottom guy. In particular, if you are looking for a date with a romantic partner and a long term commitment.
A different story is if you are dealing with a sex worker, but that’s not a date… It is exchanging money for sex; there are no feelings involved. In that case, she can be anything you want as long as you pay to play. This does not mean those transsexual prostitutes are not capable of love… It is only their lifestyle; it is just not much suitable for love engagement. But hey… It is not even really impossible! I’ve known here in Asia, some beautiful love stories with ladyboys between nice guys and now ex-prostitutes, for example.
Love Knows No Borders, No Gender, No Social Status
Should I date someone who is not compatible with my sexual preferences?
It is rare, but it may happen that, even given the sexual incompatibility because of sexual roles, there may still be the spark between you two. What to do?
If you ask me… It all depends on what you value the most… If for you being fully satisfied with the erotic part of your love relationship is a priority, I suppose it is safe to say it is not recommendable. Forcing yourself with someone who is not compatible, may lead to problems in the long term and heartbreaks. Yes, in love, everything is possible, but we also need to control our feelings and be practical and rational as well.
Each of us has ideas and convictions that models our attitude and reactions toward certain circumstances. The flexibility of one person when it comes to sex much depends on the cultural background, education, lifestyle and people surrounding us in daily life.
Do Not Lie about your Preferences
I’m none to tell you what to do, but allow me a couple of final recommendations. Do not pretend to be somebody you are not. Please don’t force yourself to fit in, because you think it will increase the range of possible potential partners. Especially don’t lie about your sexual role. The risk is of finding yourself weeks, months or even years later into a relationship where you can’t be happy. There are so many other matters that could cause problems in your relationship; this should not be one.
What do you think about Transexual and Transgender Who are Top Bottom Versatile? I’d like to know your opinion. Do you have a story to tell? Leave a comment on the box below!
Pics Credits to Transgender Model